This is how it works:
1. Senseless, angry yearning for the past
2. Depressed, pointless, hopeless yearning for the past.
3. Blocking it out, making half-sarcastic cruel remarks
4. Feeling of worthlessness and inferiority.
5. Blocking it out, but feeling extremely hateful and bitter on the inside.
6. This is the part where all my art goes back to being sad and uninspired. Emptiness, inferiority, bitterness, and ignorance abound.
7. This is where I get into that foolish "everything in life is beautiful" state of mind.
8. I either accept it or forget about it.
I'm not exactly sure where I am right now, but I'm sure I'm not where I need to be, and I'm sure I'm not handling it the right way. I should never have read any of that. I don't know why I do it, but I feel the same unbearable level of shittiness every time.
Some other notes:
With sexual activity comes the designation of male and female in a relationship, beginning the long process of separation.
If you thing about the past too much, it can become a part of your daily life, case in point: I understand a guy I thought I would hate.
I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt and everyone I've let down, because I doubt I've ever apologized.